Soccer 2006

2006 Report Card: Killer Pythons

2006 record and ladder position: won 5 lost 6 finished 6th

What went right: After a slow start the Killer Pythons came to the party with solid performances across the board. The injection of Snow provided some steel with his desperation and enthusiasm in the midfield. While the policy of rotating defence has provided dividends with players getting experience in all positions. The rotations off the bench has given some spark with fresh legs on the field.

What went wrong: Taking Frenchy out of goals in any situation where we weren’t 5 goals up with 3 minutes to play. Just general laziness at the back cost the Killer Pythons at different stages. As well as reeling off shots from all conceivable angles all the time. The team considered a renaming to the rock wall bandits for a time before the cross was discovered and the team came back on the rails.

Who stepped up: Everyone. Although everyone had too after terrible performances over the first two weeks at which point they were at unbackable odds for the wooden spoon given that neither Default or the Killer Pythons had played the Flower Pots at the time.

Missing in action: Ed Darke for no other reason than just not showing up, wearing blundstones to Uni, or taking himself off for large slabs of game time. Ed’s commitment can be questioned of late although his support from the sidelines has been unquestionable.

Rising star: Michael French clearly the stand out in his first season. He is now the most important component of this side with diving saves to left and right the side clearly struggles without him. His long gangly arms and legs are perfect for the position. The biggest threat to Frenchy’s status is reading this article at which point his head may explode.

Best win: The 13-0 and 9-1 beltings demonstrated the goal scoring prowess. Otherwise it is the last home and away game. Needing to win to secure a finals berth and with no bench Jack, Dylan John and Frenchy playing against a fit group of blue singlets that had a seemingly limitless bench (some of which joined in the second half) fought out a dour defensive battle. The singlets had skill and speed but it was the Killer Pythons who scored first through John and that’s the way it stayed till the half. Singlets came out firing in the second half with a well taken corner kick coming off the upright into Dylans head and in. John scored again soon after with Dylan sealing the game with the goal of the year.

Worst defeat: A few contenders in this list. The 6-2 demolition at the hands of a golden shoed pansy burnt. Especially with own goals from half way and girls nutmegging the goalkeeper. Getting beaten by a bunch of Jane fags also hurt especially having lead 2-1 when the game had been labelled must win. But sitting out there in a league of its own was the round 2 clash the reason Killer Pythons had joined the competition was to put this side to the sword however with Leonard dribbling around with ease the Killer Pythons failed to score. The sight of the sleazy Tom Jeffries grinning like a Cheshire cat burns away at this group. Proud as this group may be of their achievements it all stands for nought in vengeance cannot be had.

Shopping list: The team is perfectly balanced and primed for season 2007. The loss of the experienced snow poses some problems. Hopefully a semi-decent replacement is in the offing. Perhaps a Leonard Mathieu if the fourth years team folds next season.

Most memorable moment: Dylan’s wonder strike vs Blue Singlets to seal the game.

Worst moment: Jack centring the ball off the wall in the path of a muppet flower pot and ruining a clean sheet for Frenchy. Ed managing to somehow let the ball get between his legs when he had his stint in goals. Best by far was Johns snap own goal from half way on the boundary line also in round one.

Best import: Snow without a doubt he adds class to the tenacity shown by the others.

What the coach says: Thank God this seasons over with no respect for team rules and lack of accountability across the board my retirement package can’t come soon enough.

What we say: The Killer Pythons will be a force to be reckoned with in the semesters ahead with further improvement likely a premiership can’t be too far away.